My little boy.

After almost an entire week of life he gets more beautiful and amazing and awesome by the second, even when he's screaming his head off at 4am.

If you want to see more pictures, I'll be posting them here.

announcing

WELCOME ...

Darwin Edwin Stone Brown-Waters was born at 6:23pm on Wednesday November 22nd. He weighed 7lbs, 13oz, and was 21.5 inches long.

He was born naturally, in a tub, with the support of my darling husband, my best friend, and the most amazing midwife and nurse combination I could have ever asked for.

I can't believe I did it. He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and it hurts every time I look at him.

I promise I'll post pictures soon.

Much love.

the ol' christmas blues

I'm having a really hard time with Christmas right now.

See, Christmas is my favorite holiday ... 100%. I take the entire thing super seriously (spend all year thinking of the perfect present, love the shopping, the carols, the food, the smells, etc.) and for me Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. I mean really, anyone who knows me can tell you how much Christmas means to me. It's really kind of sick.

But this year we're foregoing Christmas. It makes perfect sense ... I even think it was my suggestion ... but that isn't making it any easier.

Very selfishly I just feel like Christmas is MY day and everybody's taking that away from me.

I just needed to whine. It's over now.

the end is very fucking nigh

I have about 1.5 weeks left until my due date. That's days ... DAYS! Ack. On the one hand, get this baby out of me ASAP. I'd like to be able to breathe or sleep through the night without getting up to pee several times or lie down without having unbelievably bad heartburn. I'd like to be able to touch my own toes or get up from a sitting position unaided.

Let me tell ya, this whole pregnancy shit is exhausting and totally sucky.

But then on the other hand, am I actually ready to be a mother? No, of course not. I know that you're never really ready. I know that no amount of preparation on my part could have made me any more ready than I am right now, but it's still hard to think about the fact that I'm going to make mistakes and screw stuff up. I am really not good at being mediocre. I'd rather not do something at all than do a mediocre job. So maybe being a parent will cure me of that.

I am so excited to meet this child. Every day I have moments of sheer panic and terror. But then I remember that at the end of this road I get to meet this child ... my child ... who I want more than anything in the world. This baby is half me and half the love of my life. It's going to be beautiful and amazing and strange and incredible and every single day for as long as I know this child will be a journey. I feel lucky that the little thing is going to show up and teach me about the world.

So, in answer to your question, my dear Faye, I have no idea how I'm doing. I'm in the midst of a huge emotional rollercoaster, which doesn't seem to have an end in sight. I'm swollen and pissy (both literally and figuratively) and exhausted and impatient and emotional and it should all be coming to a head rather soon.

Hopefully. Because I can't stand much more of this crap.

ONLY LOVE PREVAILS

(I promise I'll write more soon.)

survey fun

Name:	Margaret
Birthdate:	1.28.79
Birthplace:	New Haven, CT
Current Location:	Burlington, VT
Eye Color:	blue
Hair Color:	whatever I want it to be
Height:	5 ft. 3
Piercings:	6 ears, 1 nose (used to have tongue, labret, navel)
Tattoos:	can't get enough of 'em
Boyfriend/Girlfriend:	husband
Overused Phrase:	honestly...
FAVORITES
Food:	salt
Candy:	ok
Number:	138
Color:	blue
Animal:	whale shark
Drink:	water
Alcohol Drink:	luke and lauren's hefeweizen
Bagel:	toasted, butter
Letter:	I have no idea
Body Part on Opposite sex:	back
This or That
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
McDonalds or BurgerKing:	nope
Strawberry or Watermelon:	strawberry
Hot tea or Ice tea:	yup
Chocolate or Vanilla	chocolate
Hot Chocolate or Coffee:	mmm-hmmm
Kiss or Hug:	as often as possible
Dog or Cat:	depends
Rap or Punk:	also depends
Summer or Winter:	winter
Scary Movies or Funny Movies:	any movie that isn't total crap
Love or Money:	love
YOUR...
Bedtime:	too frickin' early (9-11)
Most Missed Memory:	April vacation
Best physical feature:	my mouth (although a lot of people would say my ass)
First Thought Waking Up:	oh my god, I've got so much to do today
Best Friends:	can't live without them
Weakness:	my husband
Fears:	spiders
Heritage:	english, irish, scottish, welsh, german, belgian, dutch, polish
Longest relationship:	6 years and counting
HAVE YOU...
Ever Drank:	yes
Ever Smoked:	oh god yes, don't rub it in
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been beaten up:	no
Ever beaten someone up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	absolutely
Ever Skinny Dipped:	no
Ever Kissed Opposite sex:	yes
Been Dumped Lately:	no
IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color:	don't care
Favorite Hair Color:	don't care
Short or Long:	don't care
Height:	don't care
Style:	don't care
Looks or Personality:	PERSONALITY (I care A LOT)
Hot or Cute	don't care
Drugs and Alcohol:	whatever ... just not ALL the time
Muscular or Really Skinny:	don't care
RANDOMS
Number of Regrets in the Past:	tons, but I try not to regret and instead just learn
Country you want to Visit:	Cambodia, Brazil
How do you want to Die:	sitting on a beach as a giant tidal wave comes in
Been to the Mall Lately:	no
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes, yes, yes!!!!
Get along with your Parents:	yup
Health Freak:	depends on the day
Do you think you're Attractive:	most of the time
Believe in Yourself:	sometimes
Want to go to College:	yes
Do you Smoke:	here you go, rubbing it in again ... no
Do you Drink:	no
Shower Daily:	oh hell no
Been in Love:	every day
Do you Sing:	whenever the opportunity presents itself
Want to get Married:	again? already?
Do you want Children:	sure hope so, since I have about a month left till #1 shows up
Have your future kids names planned out:	you better believe it
Hate anyone:	pretty much everyone