Blech.

I've been emotionally eating recently. What that means for me is that my body rejects all foods that have the potential for being good for me and really just wants chocolate. Thank god I'm not eating dairy right now because that rules out milk chocolate, which I can eat by the bucketful. But I found this awesome brand of gluten-free cookies that I can get enough of.

I feel gross.

I need to stop being so emotional, figure all my real life shit out, and then figure out how to be a healthier version of myself. Ugh ... that shouldn't be too hard.

what's this happy crap?

Today's my birthday. Yet another year when my birthday has been either totally uninteresting or sucked.

So I'm done. No more birthdays for me. You wanna get me presents, call me to wish me a happy day ... that's fine. But until I can really spend my birthday doing EXACTLY what I want, I'm done celebrating it.

Maybe when Darwin's a little bit older and birthdays are super duper important to him, then they'll seem like a big deal to me again. Honestly though, we're just celebrating the passage of time. Nobody really remembers that this is the day when someone GAVE BIRTH to you, the day that you were brought into the world. That's what should be celebrated. That's where the hullabaloo should be.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Top Chef

Ummm, so, last night Sam was eliminated and now my heart is broken. Not only was he WAY easy on the eyes (yeah, did you see how well his pants fit?) but his theories on food and thus the food itself was really the most interesting out of all the contestants.

Boo to them.

I'll miss you, Sam. Feel free to come and cook for me anytime.

Resolutions? I think not.

These are GOALS.

I weigh 150 pounds. That's fine, right? I mean I just had a baby. No, in fact I didn't. Today it's been two months since I had Darwin and other than the 25 pounds I lost in the first week, I've only lost five pounds. Simply not acceptable. It's not that I want to "get my body back", but I'd really like to be able to fit into some of my clothing again. That would be awesome. Especially my favorite pair of jeans (sighs longingly).

So ...

I need to eat better. And that's both eating better things, and having better eating habits. No more "snacking" between meals, because these days "snacking" really means "eating an entire extra meal". And if I am going to snack, it needs to be on healthier stuff. Try actually eating the two pounds of carrots sitting in the bottom of the fridge, Margaret.

Because of Darwin I have had to give up both dairy and wheat, which means that two of my three favorite foods in the world (cheese and bread) are both off the table. But the third, chocolate, is still going strong. I've had to switch to dark chocolate instead of milk, which is actually fine by me, but what I really need to do is just watch how much I'm eating. Just because cheese and bread are gone doesn't mean that I can eat as much chocolate as I want to keep myself happy.

Also, I need to not eat because I'm bored. It's hard ... I'm around the house all day with the little man, and it's nearly impossible to not just keep on eating all day long. What this means is that I have to do better with working on my projects, keeping myself entertained.

For my birthday (the 28th of January), my mom got me a year's worth of yoga. Pretty frickin' awesome. Now I just have to go. This means pumping extra milk so that J can be self-sufficient with Darwin ... a little extra work on my part, but totally worth it. If it really is unlimited yoga for a year then I should be going as often as possible. It'll be tough to start going back, but I really want to.

Also, I do a lot of walking, but I should be doing more. No two ways about it, I need to walk EVERY DAY.

And I need to take my vitamins and drink V8 every day too.

I think that's about it for now. I'm sure I'll add more later. Gotta go feed the little one.