Monday, January 10, 2005

Well, I'm feeling better today. I had a long talk with my dad ... a "private memorial service" ... over the phone yesterday and it made me feel infinitely more at peace with the entire thing. I was just having such a hard time being this far away from my family right now. Talking with him and having him give me all the information about the memorial service and discussing our memories helped me a lot. And it actually made me feel a lot closer to my dad than I've felt in a while. So thank you, Mom, for the excellent idea.

And honestly, what I found the most helpful was just writing down my thoughts and feelings here. I've always been a big believer in having a place to hold things. For almost my entire life I've kept journals. In the recent past I've found that I've had a hard time keeping a paper journal regularly since it's so much easier for me to type. So now that I've got this, I feel somewhat better. It was good to have a place to put down what I was feeling. And now I'll always have a way to remember. Back to the subject at hand ...

Went out for another run outside today. I've been feeling like if my end-goal is to be running outside then it's a waste of time for me to learn how to run inside on the treadmill. Let's actually get out into the world and experience this the way I want to be experiencing it. It is so much harder for me to run outside though that while I'm actually out there, all I can think about is that damn treadmill. And that's ok, as long as I keep on running outside. I can do this, I can improve. I've got faith in myself, I just think it's going to take one hell of a long time.

The other part of my cardiovascular exercise for the day is that tonight I'm going to play in my first hockey game. Eeek! Some friends of mine play a very easy-going pickup game on Monday nights and have invited me to go. So I'm borrowing equipment, strapping on my skates, and I'm going to play in an actual game. Ok, it's a pickup game, so it's not like it's going to be serious, but it's still a game. Considering that I can really only skate in one direction around the rink, this seems pretty scary to me. It's going to be awesome. I'll let you all know tomorrow how it went!


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