if only it could all be positive ...
I am astoundingly, heart-breakingly lonely.
The idea of moving here scared me but I convinced myself it wouldn't be difficult. Make new friends? No problem ... I've always been so good at it before. But now I realize that I've never actually had to before, my friends just always came built in through boyfriends or school or work or whatever. And as it turns out, all my friendliness, my people-attracting skills, may not ever have actually existed. So I am stuck in a town where I know nobody, desperate for a friend.
I am so lonely. And I have no idea how to make friends.
And I miss my friends so much. I miss the comfort of being in the presence of people who know all my stories, all my quirks, who understand the dynamics of Margaret. I miss knowing that I can say stupid things or swear like a sailor or talk about the latest celebrity breakup without being judged. I miss inside jokes. I miss my friends.
The idea of moving here scared me but I convinced myself it wouldn't be difficult. Make new friends? No problem ... I've always been so good at it before. But now I realize that I've never actually had to before, my friends just always came built in through boyfriends or school or work or whatever. And as it turns out, all my friendliness, my people-attracting skills, may not ever have actually existed. So I am stuck in a town where I know nobody, desperate for a friend.
I am so lonely. And I have no idea how to make friends.
And I miss my friends so much. I miss the comfort of being in the presence of people who know all my stories, all my quirks, who understand the dynamics of Margaret. I miss knowing that I can say stupid things or swear like a sailor or talk about the latest celebrity breakup without being judged. I miss inside jokes. I miss my friends.
2 Comments:
I've just lived here for a year, and I think I really know what you mean. ...We think that old dynamics can be recreated somehow in a new place, but I think I've decided that those dynamics stay in the past, and we find new dynamics we didn't know we were missing...
But, what kind of bs philospy is this when maybe what you need to hear is just, "I hear you." I'm sorry you're lonely; I'm sad for you.
I miss the little things, too...like conversations at coffee shops for hours, conversations at war protests, friends who love food as much as me and will make dumb faces when they taste something fabulously new and fabulous.
Hugs for your loneliness.. I know how it can suck. It can make a lot of things get out of whack.
And you sweet girl, are missed as well. I have faith that your social abilities and bubbles are still intact. The hard bit is meeting new people, esp those that are open in that moment to be silly or open or honest. That's one of the magic things about meeting friends through friends -everybody is at least a few more shades of open.
What I'm trying to say is that it ain't you, it's likely a lack of opportunity. So what kinds of opportunities are there in your new place? Seems like there are other internet-savvy, quirky, fun, knitting, new moms, who are totally interesting in your neck of the woods. I have a friend who wanted other single mom friends and made some through craigslist. Are there playgroups or something?
And what do you think of coming back to Camberville? I can share in your entertainment through the summer :)
take care girlie
-Roopa
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