Thursday, January 20, 2005

Faye wrote today about how she hasn't been posting because she hasn't felt like talking about fitness. I'm totally with her on this one. I haven't been posting because I've been thinking about so much other stuff, dealing with so much other stuff, feeling so overwhelmed by SO MUCH OTHER STUFF, that talking about fitness hasn't been a big priority. But if this is going to be the only journal that I keep, I have to write in it about all the good stuff and all the bad stuff too.

First of all, school is sucking my ass right now. We've got finals next week and I know I'm going to do badly on my anatomy final. What we're discussing right now is the origin, insertion, and action of all the muscles in the arm, wrist and hand. Sounds relatively easy, right? Nope. There are a hell of a lot of muscles in there! Who knew? And we have to know all the body landmarks, every single little bump or groove in the bones. Ack. For some reason my brain absolutely refuses to find anything in this to grab onto. It simply refuses to make this any easier for me. Boo.

Then there's J. I'm so overwhelmed by emotions regarding him right now that I actually don't think I'm going to say much of anything about it. Just suffice to say that we're coming to a point where I'm going to have to work on my new assertion skills and kick him out of the house. It's not a situation I want to be in at all, but here I am, having to deal with it. It ain't going to be pretty.

I went to go see a doctor last week and was diagnosed with probable exercise-induced asthma. This shouldn't actually affect my life too much, but it's still a bummer. I was given a prescription for an inhaler which I'm supposed to use before doing any exercise. But what this really means is that I can't do anymore running outside until the weather is warmer because the cold makes it so much harder to breathe. Also, when I get better at skating I may start having problems there too. Right now I'm just not good enough to get out of breath, so it isn't an issue.

I've fallen into the pattern of not doing anything exercise-wise. Blech. I've been finding myself so utterly uninspired that ...

You know, I don't even want to finish that sentence. I don't have any excuses. I don't even have any explanations. I just haven't been wanting to go to the gym. That's it. It's a bullshit reason, but that's it. I've lost my inspiration and I haven't bothered to look for it. And you know, the truth of the matter is that I'm sure I'd feel better about all the other shit going on in my life if only I was exercising. More than anything else that should be my inspiration.

I'll keep y'all informed as to how it goes.


Blogger Chris said...

Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. That's a rough place to be. I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed.

Try finding some time for yourself in there. You deserve whatever's going to make you feel better about you personally. The outside stuff will get handled, one way or another. But make room for you.

You're worth it.

4:18 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Hey Margaret,

It does seem sometimes that everything hits at once. Sounds like you have so many things to think about right now. One thing at a time, one thing at a time. Keep writing -- I find that doing so, about whatever topic, is helpful.

5:01 PM  
Blogger faye said...

Hey Margaret,
Sounds like we are in similar places on some things right now...You know what I was just thinking...I was thinking about how gooooooood I feel when I'm doing yoga regularly (which used to be a VERY regular part of my life)--I noticed you are a Yoga person as well...Maybe we should just do more Yoga. I don't know about you, but it just brings me back to center; however, it's one of the most difficult things to make time for because when there are so many deadlines in life, it's hard to make time for the things that you won't get in trouble by someone for not doing. Well, that's just me, at least.

This whole thing with J-- I'm soo sorry you are in that place right now. I have a really really tough break-up in my past that really just kicked my ass, so my heart just BREAKS for people who are going through it. Seriously, it's just unbelievable how bad you can FEEL. It's unbelievable. When I was going through my drama at the end of a long-term, this lady that I worked with said to me something about love and perception that I think about sort of a was some analogy about the fact that she had this major love/long term relationship that didn't work out and when she compared it to the relationship with the guy she ended up marrying, she said that the first relationship was like an ocean of water at the time, but that when she looked back, it was really just a tiny lake or even a droplet compared to the relationship with the guy who she ended up with...she pointed out that you can even feel like you are drowning if you are in a tiny lake, and that makes it hard to look ahead...but it's important to realize that the time eventually comes when the shift in perception really does occur.

I guess it's kind of a stretch as far as analogies go, but it actually helped me...because, although every relationship is obviously totally different and unique, it really is amazing how much our perspective can change once we are looking back on something instead of looking up at it.

Sorry for writing the longest comment in the world!!

2:10 PM  

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