Thursday, August 25, 2005

whoo doggy

I just don't ever write regularly enough, do I?

Let me see, life this summer has been strange. I've been working my ass off at Starbucks, at 5:30 every single morning that I'm actually working. Seems like it could really be perfect, because then I get off at 2, but it's not quite that easy. My evening social life is totally shot, because I really HAVE to be in bed at 9, otherwise I get way too little sleep. My eating schedule is also unreasonable fucked up too ... I don't want to eat anything pretty much all day long until 4pm rolls around and then I'm starting. I'm pretty much on the one-meal-per-day diet. Sooooo not good for me. Basically, I'm a walking disaster area. Sucks a lot, I'll tell you what.

Everything with J is going fantastically. It's almost as if we made the decision to get married (which is really how it happened, the whole proposal thing was done quite a ways into our thinking about the details already) and then from there we're figuring out how to make the relationship work. Truth be told, I don't think that's actually all that bad a way of going about things. We know we're in it for the long-haul, now we just have to figure out how to actually make the long-haul functionable. I guess it just seems to me like now both of us are able to breathe a sigh of relief and take the necessary step back (i.e. not freak out and think we're going to leave each other) so that we can figure out how to spend the rest of our lives together.

Lord knows, it doesn't seem like it should be this difficult, but somehow it really is.

And that's pretty much it for me these days. I'm spending a lot of time musing on relationships and the future of the world and how to raise children and how to redecorate my house, etc. I'm really settling into a serious nesting phase. Kinda cool.



Blogger Kristjan Hans said...

I came across your b*log through the "Next Blog" button .. I just do love that button .. sends you on a journey into the lives of total strangers!

I am so happy for you .. to read about the fact that you are involved with somebody who just immediately knew he/she was in for the "long haul". And the fact that you are ready in a similar manner makes it all just sound so inspiring.

Relationships, to my understanding, are about 70% attraction mixed with at least a 30% of determination and choice.
The determination part may indded be the most important ingredient, as with deep determination anything is achievable.

To read about two people who just know that they want to share their lives with someone else
and then find a someone and make that choice
fills me with sweet jelly of hope and feel-goods.

Just remember that by seeking your individual happiness, you actually are ensuring happiness for both.

With my deep respect,

5:09 PM  
Blogger bicia said...

I've been thinking about relationships too lately, I think one thing that is interesting is how different yours is from mine - is it the people involved? or the type of relationship? I guess I know some of it is the people, since my relationship with N seems more similar to yours with J than my current one. The biggest threat to my and the BF's relationship is not the same volatility and hate that was like it was with N, but instead the threat of indifference. We operate TOO easily, too separately sometimes. The work to keep the relationship on track builds over time, after long periods of individual needs I guess. You were saying before that you love J, and hate J, and that makes sense to you, etc., but its so different from me and the boy. I don't know if its just because we are both so independant or what. I kind of knew that after N I would never have that kind of relationship again, that had so much need, and therefore so much fear and hate and also the positive, passion. My passion for S is very different, very logical rather than raw fear/need/comfort turned into love. Not sure which makes more sense, or if I am even capable of that kind of connection anymore.

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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7:48 AM  
Blogger faye said...

hi margaret. congrats. :)

11:17 PM  

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