Mmmmm...long time no write.

So I've been doing some weight-lifting, which is really cool. My favorite to do is the seated chest press. There's a mirror about 3 feet in front of me while I do it, so I get to watch every single little muscle in my chest and shoulders. Damn, do I look good. And it really keeps me going, just thinking about how great I'm going to look after a while of lifting. Very fun.

So here's approximately what I'm doing. Keep in mind that I really don't know the names of any of these machines, so I might be making some of them up...

Hip abduction and adduction: 3 sets x 10 reps x 30 pounds
Quad lift: 3 sets x 10 reps x 30 pounds
Leg press: 3 sets x 10 reps x 70 pounds (no idea why, but my body seems to be built for this particular exercise...my one rep max is something like 200 lbs.)

Lat pull-down: 3 sets x 10 reps x 30 pounds
Seated chest press: 3 sets x 10 reps x 15 pounds
Lat push-up (?): 3 sets x 10 reps x 15 pounds
Bicep curl: 3 sets x 10 reps x 10 pounds (this...my body is not built for. No bicep strength whatsoever
Flying pec machine (really, it's actually called something very close to that): 3 sets x 10 reps x 20 pounds

And that's it. It seems like I'm doing much more exercise on my upper body, but that's really where I need it most. I have always had freakishly strong legs, it's just that right now they're covered in a healthy layer of fat. So I'm trying not to worry about working them as much as my upper body, which really needs it.

I've sort of been thinking about that a bunch recently, about the fact that for my entire life I've tended to only do the things that I'm good at, and not been very good and trying out new stuff. Well that's definitely changing. I mean shit, if this was me a couple months ago I would have only worked out my legs, because I know that they're strong and I know they can do everything that I ask them to. And I would have completely ignored my upper body because it's always been the weakest. But it's not just that. I figured out recently that the path I'm taking in school right now is not what I want to be doing. I am totally petrified about taking a new direction in my life (photography by the way, just in case you were wondering) because I don't think I'm as good as other people, but it's what I want to be doing. So off I go in a new direction!

It's just that for the first time in about as long as I can remember, I'm trying to figure out how to not live a life controlled by my fears. I'm really working on living a life controlled by my brain and my heart and my soul. Fuck the fears. They never did me any good, just held me back from doing the things that I really wanted to be doing. But now it's my turn. Now I'm kicking my fears in the ass and taking control on my own life.

And lordy does it feel good.