I feel like I'm doing ok right now. I've been going to the gym like a maniac (somewhere around 7 out of the last 10 days or something like that), and even if I don't stay for long enough yet, at least I'm going. I've been working on doing 20 minutes/day on the elliptical and then lifting weights. Today I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and no weights. I just keep on reminding myself how good I'm going to look in that bikini...how good I'm going to feel about myself...how worthwhile all this effort really is.

My goals right now are to keep on going to the gym, trying to make it an every-day thing. I want to do the 30 minute workout on the elliptical everyday when I go. I figure it burns calories and is a pretty good warm-up. Then (depending on whether or not I'm yoga-ing that evening) weight lifting. I figure I should actually start working on my arms, since if I don't my legs are going to be badass and my arms totally wimpy. But since my legs have always been way stronger, I tend to work them more because it's easier. No more of that though, no more hiding from the hard shit.

So now the thing I really have to start working on is my eating habits. The truth is that I know I'm not doing that badly. I think that I almost never eat over 1600 calories. But the problem is that I'm just not eating the right stuff. So yes, Mom, I'm going to try out the daily dozen. A dozen fruits and vegetables per day. Shouldn't be that hard. I mean shit, if I have a salad for dinner then I'm getting six out of the way right there (lettuce, spinach, broccoli, carrots, peppers, fennel if J lets me). Halfway done.

I can do this. I know that I can. And for the first time in a while I feel like I'm actually going to. Yippee!!!