Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I started seeing a therapist recently, for reasons other than weight-loss, but it's amazing how much it all ties together. The therapist (we'll call him D) says that my biggest problem in life is not loving myself enough. He said that my goal for this week was to figure out things that I can do that really make me feel good about myself. So far I've figured out two things: doing stuff (which I know sounds overly simple, but that really is what I mean. I tend to be an overly lazy person and doing ANYTHING makes me feel good about myself) and creating things (I always have small art projects and cooking projects going because they make me feel happy).

So yesterday, after discussing all this with D, I figured that I should do something about all this shit...something that was going to make me feel good about myself. So I went to the gym! Admittedly, I went during the evening when there were approximately 150,000 people there. And I went to take a yoga class which ended up sucking majorly. But I went. And I felt really good about myself. It was exciting to be out and about doing something that's good for me and made me feel good.

I think I forget a lot that my entire goal in this process is to like myself better. I don't care if people find me more or less attractive. I don't care if I fit into other people's views of me. What I care about it the fact that I feel good about myself. That's my purpose on this crazy journey.

Body modification indeed. It's so much more than that. It's body, mind, soul and attitude modification.

Feeling better about myself than I have in a LONG time.


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