I have an appointment today with a personal trainer! Everyone gets one free visit when they join the gym, and I just never used mine, so I made an appointment for today! I'm excited because now I'll have someone who can actually teach me how to properly use the weights. Very exciting. And I can explain to him my goals and maybe he'll be able to give me some good tips to help me on my way.

Also, yesterday J and I spent a lot of time talking about food and what it is we need to work on. For the most part we really just need to work on having our evening meal together and having it be filled with vegetables. I'm pretty good with the veggies part, but he's shitty about it. And neither one of us is at all good at eating on a regular basis. We both tend much more towards the "oh my god I'm so hungry I could die so now is probably a good time to eat." Not the smartest way to go about it. So, hopefully that'll do some good. It will definitely make it easier for me if he's taking it a little more seriously.

You know how pregnant women don't really have stretch marks until the baby is gone and then the skin can kind of hang there with the after-effects of the stretching? Well, it's happening to my thighs. I'm obviously doing something right because I'm starting to notice all the stretch marks all of my legs and hips. And I'm finding it horrible to think about how much I've hurt my body over the course of my life. First, by being totally anorexic and never eating and then by eating everything in sight. I have screwed up my body and completely screwed up my metabolism. And now, in the process of deciding that I really want to get into shape, I have to deal with all the stupid shit that I put myself through before this. But at least now I'm actually ready for it now, right?

It's not a diet ... it's a change in lifestyle.