Thursday, June 10, 2004

Wow. It's been a while since I posted, huh?

I just spent a week in Seattle with my mom, cooking and talking and decorating her bathroom. It was lovely. A little too long, but lovely. We spent lots of time talking about body image and exercise and the likes, so it definitely gave me plenty to think about and process. I also went to three yoga classes while I was there and accompanied her to the gym one day for some weight lifting and swimming.

So here are the things that I thought about/realized/am processing/was successful with/etc...

-I need to try to change my definition of myself to "athlete" (got this from looking at the athleta catalogue). I think this will help me be willing to try new things and to not feel so bad about how my body looks.

-I wore my bikini for the first time while swimming with my mom and I was so pleased with how the upper half of my body looked that I actually managed to ignore not liking the bottom half so much! Very cool.

-I think I should play hockey this summer. I have no idea how I'm going to be able to afford it or anything, but I think this will be good for me.

-I need to start having more faith in my body. I think if there's a more faithful relationship then my body will start responding better when I push it harder, which is something that I definitely need to do.

-When I was at my mom's gym they had a bench-press machine so I figured I should try it out. I can press 70 pounds. Holy crap ... go me!

-It's very important to remember that this is a journey. I often forget that I'm never going to get the results that I want instantaneously, so there isn't any point in getting pissed off at my body for not doing so. This, of course, kind of sucks, but it's just the way it goes.

-DRINK WATER!!!!!! It's hard for me to remember to drink enough water when I'm away from home, but I have to do it. I definitely didn't drink enough water when I was there and could feel the repercussions on my body.

-And lastly, keep plugging away. I obviously have actually gotten results, even if I have a hard time seeing them myself. But hey, I see my body everyday, so it's no big surprise that I have a hard time seeing them. Just keep in mind that EVERYONE around me does see the results and is pleased by them. Remember that just because my thighs aren't the size that I want them to be, doesn't mean that nothing is happening. I am smaller than I was. But even more importantly, I am stronger than I was, and that's really what matters.

And now I'm off to the Cape for a 70-mile bike trip this weekend. I don't know that I have ever in my entire life biked 70 miles. Sure, it's over two days, and I'm doing it on a tandem, so it won't be so bad, but I am a little nervous. But in the interest of having a more faithful relationship with my body, I am not going to worry about it. I can do this. It's going to be hard, but that's why it's good.


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