Sunday, July 25, 2004

So, new format.  Whaddya think?  For some reason I can't seem to put my links back in, which really sucks.  If anyone who's brilliant with computers and the likes could tell me how to do it then that would be greatly appreciated.

I've been really shitty about updating recently.  I'm sorry, it's just that there isn't much to report.  My new bike is on its way here from California right now.  Should be here within another week or so.  And that is going to be the absolute best thing for me.  Now when I wake up on the weekends and want something to do I can head out on my bike for some private exercise time.  It's something that doesn't involve anybody else (but also can involve others) that I can do that's really good for me and super fun.  Truth is that I'm ridiculously excited.  I just wish the entire process wasn't taking so long.

Spent all day Friday out at Walden pond, having a heavenly time.  I forget how wonderful it is there, so relaxing and tranquil.  And it was the perfect day for it too ... hot, humid, and overcast so I didn't get horribly sunburnt.  There was a group of about 8 of us and we brought food and beverages and we swam and talked and read comic books and had a blast.  It was the perfect summer day.  I just wish I lived closer so that I could go every single day.

And I love you all very much.  I'll keep you updated on my long road back to being the super-motivated-exercise-chick that I was for a little while there.  It'll happen, I just need to find my inspiration again.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Such a slacker!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't started my running program, haven't been watching what I'm eating, nothing. I've been completely ignoring all that I know I should be doing for my body. Bad, bad, bad. Somebody smack me, please. Put me back into the mode I was in like two months ago. I need a good freakin' kick in the ass!

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Back from the woods and slightly worse for the wear. While being out in the woods is very nice and very relaxing, it's also unbelievably stressful. J and I are the people in charge the entire time and so we're always answering questions and checking on people and dealing with money and food issues and helping everyone set up and clean up, etc. It's exhausting and somehow I end up being ridiculously stressed out almost the entire time we're out there. I need another vacation after this!

The problem that I have is that while I'm dealing with stress like that, I'm really bad about eating. So for the entire five days that I was out in the woods, I can probably count everything I ate on two hands. I was belly hungry the entire time, but never mouth hungry. And, sickness of all sicknessess, I enjoyed the hunger soooooo much. It's so unbelievably satisfying to me that I can control something like that. I would spend all day being starving and not eating, and then when 4am rolled around and everyone else was already asleep and the site was empty I would have a little snack. And then I'd wake up and do it all over again. It scares me how much I still enjoy being hungry. I guess I wonder if it's like smoking ... will I spend the rest of my life as a recovering starvation addict? As a recovering anorexic?

God, I hate this shit! I just want to find a place where I can be happy with the way my body looks. I'm sick and tired of feeling like crap about my physique all the time. I weigh 125 now. 125! And I still think I look like shit. I don't understand how it's ever supposed to be better. I don't understand how I'm ever supposed to find a happy place where I don't think about how I look all the fucking time.