Monday, November 01, 2004

I was emailing a friend of mine earlier today and I just started thinking about how much my mindset about my weight has changed. I don't want to be thin anymore. Really. Don't get me wrong here, I'd very much like to replace all the fat in my body with muscle. But I don't want to lose weight in order to do that. I have never in my entire life felt the way that I do about my body right now. It's amazing!

On Wednesday last week we were doing a palpating exercise in anatomy (a palpating exercise being just putting somebody on the table and feeling around for things on their body ... bones, muscles, whatever). On Wednesday we just happened to be doing bones. So I lie down on the table and my two partners start feeling around for the muscles they're supposed to be finding, which are basically all the muscles that I spend time working out. When they got down to my calves one of the women suddenly called the teacher over and said, "Is this a bone that I'm feeling?" Lou, the teacher, politely laughed and said, "Nope, not a bone. That's just a very well developed muscle." It was amazing. She then spent the entire rest of the class making jokes about how unbelievably buff I am. It was rocking.

So honestly, how can I not feel great about my body. I'm running and lifting and doing all sorts of cool stuff. I have muscles that pop out and people think they're bones! I can feel, all the time, that I'm using my body in ways that it really likes being used. So screw being thin. I'd rather feel the way I feel now and still think I'm a little overweight than be thin and not be able to use my body to its fullest extent.

And oh yeah, one more thing. The run/walk program I was doing was the one set out on the runner's world website. But I decided that I'd rather do the couch to 5k program, so I switched. I also decided that I wasn't going to start at week one, so I started at two, which is actually pretty hard-core. It's got me running in 90 second intervals. Who knew that could be so hard!?! But the truth is that I'm totally digging on it. It's hard, but it's also do-able. Next week though, I'm going to have to jog for 3 minutes straight. At this point that seems completely impossible. But I know I can do it. I just have to have some faith.


Blogger bicia said...

for what its worth, i think you have a BEAUTIFUL body, and no way would I call it overweight. You are shaped like me, but smaller, so in my eyes, you are perfect, since the only thing I strived for last year wasn't to be thinner necessarily, but smaller. And I've found I can't do that :) But it is nice to be curvy and muscular, solid and soft in the right places. It is what an athletic woman SHOULD look like. Like she can do stuff. That's really all that matters, and I am SO glad you don't have to go through what I did to find that out (although I guess you did when you were 18!) Definitely don't do it again! Do stuff, that's where the fun is. Who wants to just look good and NOT be able to go outside and play touch football on a Sunday afternoon?

2:21 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I'm on the last week of the Couch to 5k and it certainly has been a successful program for me. I'm not saying it's been easy -- no way! -- but it has got me running for almost 30 minutes at a time, when I really doubted my ability to do so before.

I have also found that the more physically active I have become the more accepting and confident I am towards my body. I think this is partly because I've come to realize how responsive my body is to physical conditioning and how skillful and powerful it can be. This absolutely helps with esteem and a general sense of what I can only call "kick-assness". I am big proponent of the theory that it's better to be "fat and fit" as opposed to "thin and unfit". I figure that regulary challening your heart and lungs and muscles has many more emotional and health benefits than attaining an aesthetic ideal.

Good luck with the training plan.

4:29 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Hooray for you! Being overly skinny and unbuff is so NOT the way to go. Plus, if those types of folks start hassling you (or me) about body stuff, we can totally kick them to the curb. It's really useful kicking ass.

I too am excited about getting buff again. Just a few practices playing hockey, and my legs are feeling much more capable again. I love that, when your body actually feels like it can perform whatever task for you. Yay! Rock on.

7:53 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Hey! I want to have a class of people poke around my muscles! That'd ROCK! But then, if they were trying to find things in my belly, I'd probably have to feel only 1/2 rockin'. You know, it's a belly.

Great post!

1:41 PM  

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